


Cold Tears

by jkay18368



Category: Bleach
Genre: Betrayal, Depression, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 04:41:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16422602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jkay18368/pseuds/jkay18368
Summary: When Ichigo learns a secret that was never ment to be learned the Betrayal is too much for him. The final straw that broke the substitute Soul Reaper's back.More tags to come later.





	1. Razor

Ichigo Kurosaki laid in the bath tub in water so hot his skin was bright red and nearly blistering. His hands were shaking and a razor blade laid on the side of the tub. It was an innocent piece of metal that was made only to be used as a tool. Innocent of all intent. It had no say or option in how it was used. Ichigo how ever did have intent and the will to fallow it. The world was full of lies. He was living Hallow bait. The son of a Quincy and a Soul Reaper. A lie he was never ment to learn. His father had known the whole time. When he had struggled and fought and nearly died over and over again wanting to have somebody to turn to somebody understand and help him. He'd had nobody. The best he had had was a living sword and a hallow inside his head. Oh there were soul reapers he was friendly with but he couldn't really trust them. His guts screamed that clearly enough. Even if their own actions didn't keep reminding him. Their better than attitude helped nothing. His human friends seemed to suffer just being around him pulling them into danger the same way he pulled Hallows to his soul. 

Ichigo slipped under the water keeping his eyes open. Feeling them nearly boil away. 

His wonderful little sisters couldn't be burdened by his problems they were just children and deserved whatever peace they could have. 

His mother was dead. His fault. Or maybe theirs. They knew about Hallows and never told him never warned him how was he to know? He couldn't even tell the living from the dead at that point. His tears almost felt cold compared to the water. 

His dad.... His dad couldn't see spirits always reminded him of that didn't he? Always chastised him for wasting his time helping ghosts. The liar. How could Ichigo go to him? All the man ever did since his wife died was attack Ichigo. Wanting to make him tough, make him a man, make him better. All he did was make Ichigo nervous in his own house. There was no relax. There was no help no comfort. Ichigo missed his mom. Would she have told him the truth? Would she have been there to protect him? To fight beside him? Would she have lied too and pretended not to see him suffering? 

Ichigo picked up the razor blade and looked at its edge. 

He wasn't supposed to know. He had over heard a conversation not ment for his ears between the two former captains Urahara and Isshin. Yeah Mr. Hat and Clogs and his old man used to work together. They were friends. 

He wondered if his dad knew about the self eating chain. If his dad had encouraged his old friend. 

Such a normal human thing. A razor blade.

Had his dad been disgusted with how weak his son was?

He wasn't a normal anything. He was a freak everywhere.

Did his father regret he was ever born?

Ichigo did.

The water turned pink and the red as Ichigo began to play with the razor blade. Dragging it across his chest a mocking reenactment of his wounds he'd received in the Soul Society. They weren't deep enough as it was only a little razor not a sword. But it was real and so was the blood. So were the wounds. 

The water was feeling so cold now.

Over and over the razor danced. His face to his feet. He was always so tough he should have passed out already but even as he began sawing through his pinky finger on his left hand he was till awake.

Will they remember me? Or just wipe away the failure from my sisters memories? He asked himself as he began to drift under the water. He hadn't quite got that finger off. 

His world was red and than it was black. 

He wondered if he'd become a Hallow. It might be nice not having a heart.


	2. Restraint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who can tell the difference between desperation and madness?

Ichigo woke in a bed in the family's clinic. He was stitched and wrapped enough to be the love child of the mummy and Frankenstein's monster. He couldn't move. He was strapped down. He wanted it to be over. He wanted it to end. 

Why why did they have to find him? They had never cared before. 

That's not fair Karin and Yuzu always cared.

Ichigo screamed weakly.

Correcting himself for attacking his family. Could he not even be bitter and spiteful even in the silence of his own mind? It wasn't fair.

Tears soaked the bandages wrapped around his face. 

He wasn't supposed to wake up!? What happened? Why was he such a failure at everything? Ichigo screamed near silently and thrashed around hoping to bust open his wounds and maybe escape. Maybe next time he should jump off the school roof? Not as poetic but maybe it would do the job. Live by the blade die by the fall. Ichigo's screams turned to laughter. 

He faintly heard the Hallow whispering in his mind to snap out of it. To stop. But Ichigo just laughed and cried. 

He couldn't even see the ceiling over his bed anymore the tears had blurred his vision too much. 

"Come on kid." he heard his father say in a tired voice. "You got to calm down ok? You're going to hurt yourself."

Ichigo laughed harder. No shit. That was the point!? 

Ichigo reared up against the restraints and screamed as loudly as his weak and damaged body would allow. 

"Come on baby boy." his dad said pushing against him trying to get him to stop fighting the restraints. "You're scaring me kid."

Ichigo felt his tongue pass his teeth and felt inspired as he chomped down.

"No! No damn it no!" his father screamed and Ichigo felt him pry his mouth open and a prick in his arm before the world went black again.


End file.
